Dereck’s Hydrocephalus Journey: Finding the Silver Lining

By: Dereck Bellish, Peer Support Volunteer

Discovering Joy in the Simple Things

As an adult living with hydrocephalus, who has had over 500 brain surgeries, I have learned a lot about finding the silver linings in life. For me, it started with finding things I enjoyed most.  In school, I enjoyed track and field in the spring and would focus on getting better so I could be with my classmates. Sometimes it didn’t work that way. In those moments, you have to turn to the most basic thing that brings you joy, like being outside or sitting in a coffee shop. 

When I was older and recovering from things, I couldn’t be my physical self, but I could walk to a nearby coffee shop and talk with people or listen to stories from my phone. That got me out of the house and helped me feel connected. Another thing that helps when you’re drained from surgeries and feel like you can’t make it another moment is having good, strong people in your life who can come alongside you and just be there. Talk over the phone or take you to a place that will calm you down and sit with you. 

I say all this to bring it home: make sure your foundation is set up with a solid, strong set of things and people you can lean on for support. That makes all the difference when you’re living with hydrocephalus. 

The Struggles of Hydrocephalus and the Power of Small Victories

When I was younger, I had a seizure and lost feeling and control over my left side. It was so frustrating that I couldn’t use my left side like I used to. I had to go to physical therapy and learn how to use it again. To this day, my left side is a little weaker, but I work out and it keeps it strong. It does make it hard when I try to do small, intricate things like using scissors to cut details in a piece of artwork. But again, I focus on the positive part—that I can still use it. 

I always remind myself that even though my left side doesn’t work like I want it to, I still have the arm, and I can use it. It’s very draining mentally for me to focus and use it, but I keep going. 

Finding Self-Worth Through Small Victories

I focus on little victories in the things I can do and have had an even bigger boost of self-worth when people said they couldn’t do the things I was able to do. So even though I struggle with things like ice skating or swimming—because I use both sides of my body—I remind myself what I can do. 

When I couldn’t be active, I changed the way I did things. I would sit and enjoy a drink I liked at a coffee shop and listen to funny stories. That brought me joy and gave me a way to share moments with other people. Even small joys like that make a big difference when coping with hydrocephalus. 

Leaning on Family and Friends for Support

I have family and friends who help adjust my focus when I get overloaded and start thinking about all the things I can’t do. They help pull me back and look at what I still can do. I found I love fishing, and I don’t have to use my left side for the whole thing, but what I can use it for I am grateful. I make the things I do a full-body job, and that helps my left side do different things.  

My family and friends could help me because they were on the outside of what I was trying to do. They would take the little things I could do and make them a big deal and celebrate them. That helped a lot during hard times. 

How I Stay Positive Through New Challenges

When I’m hit with new struggles or when negative thoughts start to creep in, what I start to do is find one positive—no matter how small—and magnify it in my thoughts by 1000x so it’s all I think about, at least for a few moments. That helps me reset and stay focused. 

Advice for Others Living with Hydrocephalus

If someone is feeling lost or struggling to find their own silver lining while living with hydrocephalus or anything else, I would tell them to take a break and sit back. Try to look at the situation from a different point of view. Ask for help from a friend to look at it from another angle. Also, remember moments where you made it through similar situations. That reminder can give you strength.